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Funny Quotes

It is a very difficult task to make someone laugh. In fact, it is said that making someone cry is much easier than making him laugh. However, our funny quotes collection is guaranteed to add some humor to your boring day. These funny sayings will help you be stress free and forget all your tension for a while. You can also use them to bring cute smiles on the lips of your friends and loved ones. Hope you have a nice time reading the famous funny quotations.

Robin Williams

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Charlie McDowell

My parents are in the business - they're actors - so I kind of grew up on a film set, which was a funny place to grow up.

Chevy Chase

Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

Jules Renard

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

There is always something funny going on between scenes with Adam Sandler. He's always cracking jokes and yelling at people for no reason. It's pretty funny. He'll joke around during scenes, too. When he guest-starred on 'Jessie,' there was nothing in the script that he said first take.

Emma Roberts

It's funny, having the same name as someone. Me, Emma Watson and Emma Stone, the amount of times I've been called Emma Watson or Emma Stone is so funny. It's just 'cause we're all named Emma. None of us look alike.

Frank Sinatra

I'm for whatever gets you through the night.

Colin Jost

When you're around people who are trying to be funny all day and trying to one-up each other, that's just naturally - if you want to do it - it's going to make you better.

Phyllis Diller

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

Adolf Hitler

How fortunate for governments that the people they administer don't think.

Carrie Fisher

Instant gratification takes too long.

Mel Brooks

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

Isaac Asimov

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Groucho Marx

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Adlai Stevenson II

A funny thing happened to me on the way to the White House.

Bill Watterson

Reality continues to ruin my life.

Tiffany Trump

In person, my father is so friendly, so considerate, so funny, and so real. I have admired my father all of my life, and I love him with all my heart.

Rooney Mara

I'm not at all funny. I can do dark comedy pretty well, but straight-up comedy, I don't know. I'm much darker. I've been like that since I was 3 years old.

Pete Davidson

Things that I feel really sad about, I talk about. That way, if it's funny, it doesn't hurt anymore.

I was lucky. My family is wonderful. And it's funny, because most of my best friends come from very large families. So it always felt as if I had lots of siblings, though in the end I had to leave them and go home. I kind of got the best of both worlds as a kid.

Bill Maher

Men are only as loyal as their options.

W. H. Auden

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know.

Phyllis Diller

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Things Children
Wilson Mizner

Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.

Donald Trump

You know the funny thing, I don't get along with rich people. I get along with the middle class and the poor people better than I get along with the rich people.

Eugene Levy

We went through all the scenes and they became kind of funny and they expanded a little bit and because it seemed to be working so well in the movie, they added a couple of things later on in the movie and that's how it turned out.

Isla Fisher

I think audiences have always wanted to see women in the movies, but every time a movie like 'Bridesmaids' comes out, everyone says, 'Oh how funny, people do want to see women in the movies.'

Jim Carrey

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Colin Jost

Learning to be your natural self in front of five cameras and a silent studio takes time. Trying to be funny under duress is probably a lot like trying to play golf relaxed under pressure.

Woody Allen

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

Steve Martin

Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!

Isaac Asimov

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...'

Walt Whitman

I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends.

Jean Baudrillard

There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.

Revenge World Children
P. G. Wodehouse

Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them.

H. L. Mencken

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

Dave Barry

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

Franklin P. Jones

All women should know how to take care of children. Most of them will have a husband some day.

Lily Collins

I'm very British at heart. When I come to England, I say I'm coming home, and then it's funny: when I leave England to go back to L.A., I also say I'm going back home.

Clint Eastwood

If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.

Nora Fatehi

It's very funny that I'm being appreciated for my dance moves because when I was young, I was made fun of, as nobody thought I was able to dance.

Fun Dancing

Who knew Rob Lowe was funny? On 'Parks and Rec,' we've got some of the funniest comedy writers, some of the funniest comedians in the world working there. And if anything, we don't just effuse to one another and be like, 'Oh, Rob Lowe's really funny,' if he wasn't.

Colin Jost

Whatever I did, I always gravitated toward trying to be funny. If I was with friends, we were joking around. If I wrote for the newspaper, it would be a humor column. If I acted, I wanted to do comedy.

Humor Newspaper
Steve Martin

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Phyllis Diller

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Robin Williams

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.

Joe Rogan

That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.

Mel Brooks

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

Steve Martin

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

Steven Wright

What's another word for Thesaurus?

Elbert Hubbard

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

Wilson Mizner

Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.

William Lyon Phelps

If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.

Abraham Lincoln

No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.

Good Memory Liars
Clint Eastwood

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.

Michael Schumacher

You win a race, the next race it's a question mark. Are you still the best or not? That's what is funny. But that's what is interesting. And that's what is challenging. You have to prove yourself every time.

Thomas More

Ask a woman's advice, and whatever she advises, Do the very reverse and you're sure to be wise.

Margaret Mead

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

P. G. Wodehouse

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Right Gun
Will Rogers

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

Laurence J. Peter

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Robin Williams

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

David Lee Roth

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

Emma Roberts

I don't really have a type of guy I like. It's just like nice guys, cute boys I mean, ones that are funny.

Milana Vayntrub

Comedy came early. I knew when I was a kid that I was silly, and I knew that I liked people who were funny, but I don't think I knew I was funny. I didn't really think about it.

Jesse Plemons

People can rationalize in funny ways to hold onto their dreams and needs.

People Dreams
Steve Martin

Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.

P. G. Wodehouse

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

Dave Barry

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Francois de La Rochefoucauld

All the passions make us commit faults; love makes us commit the most ridiculous ones.


Trust is hard to come by. That's why my circle is small and tight. I'm kind of funny about making new friends.

Bill Burr

My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious.

Gloria Steinem

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.

Advice Marriage
Bill Maher

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

Mae West

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

Rita Rudner

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

Laurence J. Peter

Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.

Cheryl Cole and Katy Perry are two of the hottest girls in the world - and so normal and funny with it. If I was a few years older they are the kind of girls I'd like to date. I want a younger version of Cheryl and Katy - a mixture of the two would be hot.

Noel Fielding

My first gigs were at university: I'd dress up as Jesus, jump off a cross and dance to a Mick Jagger song. I don't know if it was funny or not, but it was a start.

Dress Dancing
Donald Glover

I think it's a comedian's job to make everything funny. Nothing is off-limits.

Emo Philips

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Confidence contributes more to conversation than wit.

Joe Rogan

It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks.

Jimi Hendrix

It's funny how most people love the dead, once you're dead, you're made for life.

Walt Disney

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Bertrand Russell

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

George Carlin

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Kevin Hart. He's the man! I like his style. He's short, so I can relate. All the stories he tells are real. I respect that, and he's just a really funny dude - great comedy instincts. To do stand-up on a stage for an hour and tell stories and make people laugh is incredible.

My take on 'Lucifer' was pretty much laid down by Tom Kapinos when he wrote the original pilot script for it. I remember reading it for the first time, and I was about four or five pages in, thinking this is so funny, and I know how I would want to do this if I was going to do it.

I think I have an inner confidence that my tastes are pretty simple, that what I find funny finds a wide audience. I'm not particularly intellectual or clever or minority-focused in my creative instincts. And I'm certainly not aware of suppressing more sophisticated ambitions.

Courteney Cox

It's funny, because I never think of myself as Little Miss All-Together.

George Burns

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

Erma Bombeck

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

Robin Williams

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

Joe Rogan

I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way.

The American audience has really opened up to women being A.) funny and B.) kinda crude. 'Bridesmaids' is R-rated, and I think it was a major coup for women to have an R-rated comedy that did really well. Same as 'Bad Teacher.'

Rachel McAdams

I'm very silly as a person, but quality silliness on-screen has more of an art to it. Harrison Ford, whom I was in 'Morning Glory' with, has mastered that dry funny better than anyone.

Art Quality Morning
Dr. Seuss

From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.

Things Humor