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Sarcasm Quotes

If you want to express your thoughts, anger, humor etc. without being blatant, then sarcasm is your weapon. Being sarcastic does not just imply bitter derision or caustic remarks. Sarcasm is in fact a witty expression that comes loaded with layers of meaning and is better used to pack a contemptuous punch on people or things. All said and done, being sarcastic is a talent and not everyone is blessed with it. Here are some famous long quotations and sayings to help you explore the real wit of sarcasm.

Franklin D. Roosevelt

But while they prate of economic laws, men and women are starving. We must lay hold of the fact that economic laws are not made by nature. They are made by human beings.

Jimmy Carter

I look forward to these confrontations with the press to kind of balance up the nice and pleasant things that come to me as president.

Charlie Chaplin

I have no further use for America. I wouldn't go back there if Jesus Christ was President.

James Madison

The loss of liberty at home is to be charged to the provisions against danger, real or imagined, from abroad.

Henry James

People talk about the conscience, but it seems to me one must just bring it up to a certain point and leave it there. You can let your conscience alone if you're nice to the second housemaid.

Alan Watts

No work or love will flourish out of guilt, fear, or hollowness of heart, just as no valid plans for the future can be made by those who have no capacity for living now.

Groucho Marx

Humor is reason gone mad.

John Stuart Mill

In all intellectual debates, both sides tend to be correct in what they affirm, and wrong in what they deny.

William Butler Yeats

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.

Gertrude Stein

Considering how dangerous everything is, nothing is really very frightening.

Samuel Johnson

A man seldom thinks with more earnestness of anything than he does of his dinner.

Ambrose Bierce

Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

Bill Watterson

It's surprising how hard we'll work when the work is done just for ourselves.

Rita Mae Brown

Art is moral passion married to entertainment. Moral passion without entertainment is propaganda, and entertainment without moral passion is television.

Elbert Hubbard

A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman as bad as she dares.

Laurence J. Peter

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

Edgar Watson Howe

All of the troubles that some people have in life is that which they married into.

Ulysses S. Grant

I know only two tunes: one of them is "Yankee Doodle," and the other isn't.

James Madison

A popular government without popular information or the means of acquiring it, is but a prologue to a farce, or a tragedy, or perhaps both.

Steve Martin

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

Virginia Woolf

A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction.


All the reasonings of men are not worth one sentiment of women.

Lewis Carroll

She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it).

Soren Kierkegaard

How absurd men are! They never use the liberties they have, they demand those they do not have. They have freedom of thought, they demand freedom of speech.

Marcel Proust

Everything great in the world comes from neurotics. They alone have founded our religions and composed our masterpieces.

Samuel Johnson

A man is in general better pleased when he has a good dinner upon his table, than when his wife talks Greek.

Alexis de Tocqueville

History is a gallery of pictures in which there are few originals and many copies.

Ambrose Bierce

Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.

Don DeLillo

Californians invented the concept of life-style. This alone warrants their doom.

Emo Philips

In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.

Oliver Wendell Holmes

A goose flies by a chart which the Royal Geographical Society could not mend.

Laurence J. Peter

A censor is an expert in cutting remarks. A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.

Adolf Hitler

How fortunate for governments that the people they administer don't think.

Osama bin Laden

We love death. The U.S. loves life. That is the difference between us two.

Rabindranath Tagore

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

Edgar Allan Poe

I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

Dan Quayle

Bank failures are caused by depositors who don't deposit enough money to cover losses due to mismanagement.

Francis Bacon

A bachelor's life is a fine breakfast, a flat lunch, and a miserable dinner.


A witty saying proves nothing.

Joseph Conrad

As to honor - you know - it's a very fine medieval inheritance which women never got hold of. It wasn't theirs.

Thomas Paine

It is not a God, just and good, but a devil, under the name of God, that the Bible describes.

Alexis de Tocqueville

I know of no country in which there is so little independence of mind and real freedom of discussion as in America.

Cameron Diaz

I don't believe you should make fun of anyone but yourself.

Princess Diana

They say it is better to be poor and happy than rich and miserable, but how about a compromise like moderately rich and just moody?.

Humor Opinion Paradox Compromise
Andrew Jackson

It is a damn poor mind indeed which can't think of at least two ways to spell any word.

Francis Bacon

Acorns were good until bread was found.

Lord Byron

Absence - that common cure of love.

Soren Kierkegaard

I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations - one can either do this or that. My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it - you will regret both.


A free life cannot acquire many possessions, because this is not easy to do without servility to mobs or monarchs.

P. G. Wodehouse

Every author really wants to have letters printed in the papers. Unable to make the grade, he drops down a rung of the ladder and writes novels.

Ambrose Bierce

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Steve King

Our defense is still trying to find its niche. By the second half of the season I think they can be a pretty good unit.

Anatole France

History books that contain no lies are extremely dull.

John Greenleaf Whittier

Tradition wears a snowy beard, romance is always young.

Alexander Hamilton

A national debt, if it is not excessive, will be to us a national blessing.

Robin Williams

I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.

Nicole Kidman

I have a little bit of a belly, a tiny bit of pooch. It's the one thing I don't want to lose. I just like having some softness. If I lose that, then Tom might leave me.

Napoleon Bonaparte

History is a set of lies agreed upon.

Friedrich Nietzsche

After coming into contact with a religious man I always feel I must wash my hands.

Jim Morrison

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs

James Madison

All men having power ought to be distrusted to a certain degree.

Dan Quayle

Great American sport. Horseshoes is a very great game. I love it.

Coco Chanel

A women who doesn't wear perfume has no future.

Alan Watts

But my dear man, reality is only a Rorschach ink-blot, you know.

George Burns

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Samuel Johnson

A man will turn over half a library to make one book.

Ambrose Bierce

History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.

H. L. Mencken

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.

Steven Wright

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of width.

Dave Barry

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

Eric Hoffer

An empty head is not really empty; it is stuffed with rubbish. Hence the difficulty of forcing anything into an empty head.

Erma Bombeck

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

Robin Williams

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.

Richard M. Nixon

I've never canceled a subscription to a newspaper because of bad cartoons or editorials. If that were the case, I wouldn't have any newspapers or magazine


I was really too honest a man to be a politician and live.

James Madison

The truth is that all men having power ought to be mistrusted.

Leon Trotsky

If we had more time for discussion we should probably have made a great many more mistakes.

Dan Quayle

My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will, never, never surrender to what is right.


It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.

Anton Chekhov

Reason and justice tell me there's more love for humanity in electricity and steam than in chastity and vegetarianism.

Alexis de Tocqueville

Americans are so enamored of equality that they would rather be equal in slavery than unequal in freedom.

Steven Wright

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

Erich Fromm

Love is often nothing but a favorable exchange between two people who get the most of what they can expect, considering their value on the personality market.

Dave Barry

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

Rita Rudner

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk

Laurence J. Peter

An intelligence test sometimes shows a man how smart he would have been not to have taken it.

John Stuart Mill

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives.

Bill Bryson

The remarkable position in which we find ourselves is that we don't actually know what we actually know.

Blaise Pascal

Small minds are concerned with the extraordinary, great minds with the ordinary.

Gertrude Stein

Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense.

Ambrose Bierce

Beauty and the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

Princess Diana

I'd like to be a queen in people's hearts but I don't see myself being queen of this country.

Mel Brooks

If presidents can't do it to their wives, they do it to their country.

George Burns

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

Jean Baudrillard

At male strip shows, it is still the women that we watch, the audience of women and their eager faces. They are more obscene than if they were dancing naked themselves.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

First time he kissed me, he but only kissed The fingers of this hand wherewith I write; And, ever since, it grew more clean and white.

Dave Barry

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.

Erma Bombeck

Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.

Elbert Hubbard

A conservative is a man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.