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Humorous Quotes

It is said that 'laughter is one of the best medicines'. However, the hectic lifestyle of today has made us forget how to laugh. Most of the time, we don't have time for even giving a smile to our loved ones, forget about laughing at some funny joke. It is for this reason only that we have provided a list of humorous quotes, in the lines below. These sayings have all the flavors to tickle the funny bones of almost everyone. You can also use these humorous quotations to cheer someone up or simply have a good laugh.

Paul McCartney

I don't take me seriously. If we get some giggles, I don't mind.

Billy Joel

I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints - The sinners are much more fun.

Adam Smith

Poor David Hume is dying fast, but with more real cheerfulness and good humor and with more real resignation to the necessary course of things, than any whining Christian ever dyed with pretended resignation to the will of God.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own?

Groucho Marx

Humor is reason gone mad.

Lou Holtz

The problem with having a sense of humor is often that people you use it on aren't in a very good mood.

Anton Chekhov

Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

Phyllis Diller

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

Walter Winchell

An optimist is someone who gets treed by a lion but enjoys the scenery.

Johnny Depp

If you catch me saying 'I am a serious actor,' I beg you to slap me.

Winston Churchill

I am always ready to learn, but I do not always like being taught.

Gwen Stefani

I want to be a guy, but I want to wear a lot of makeup.

Keira Knightley

There were three women standing there with their bums facing me, ... Talk about a surreal moment. You're literally choosing the best bum in the bunch.

Ulysses S. Grant

I know only two tunes: one of them is "Yankee Doodle," and the other isn't.

Mark Twain

There are many humorous things in the world: among them the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.

Jon Stewart

There is no such thing as an impartial jury because there are no impartial people. There are people that argue on the web for hours about who their favorite character on "Friends" is.

Patrick Jake O'Rourke

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

Henry Ward Beecher

A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road.

Elizabeth I

A fool too late bewares when all the peril is past.

Voltaire

A witty saying proves nothing.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

I don't remember anybody's name. How do you think the "dahling" thing got started?

Phyllis Diller

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Will Rogers

A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.

Joseph Addison

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body.

Princess Diana

They say it is better to be poor and happy than rich and miserable, but how about a compromise like moderately rich and just moody?.

Halle Berry

I wish all men were like dogs.

Steve Martin

Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty.

Virginia Woolf

Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.

Lawrence Peter Berra

If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else!

Bill Bryson

When you tell an Iowan a joke, you can see a kind of race going on between his brain and his expression.

Steve King

Our defense is still trying to find its niche. By the second half of the season I think they can be a pretty good unit.

Elbert Hubbard

Every man is a fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit.

Mignon McLaughlin

For the happiest life, days should be rigorously planned, nights left open to chance.

Robin Williams

I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.

Julia Roberts

I've never had to pretend to be having sex with somebody. I'm like the queen of the foreplay dissolve.

Charlie Chaplin

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

Alan Watts

But my dear man, reality is only a Rorschach ink-blot, you know.

Thomas Hobbes

Leisure is the Mother of Philosophy.

Phyllis Diller

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

Walter Winchell

I usually get my stuff from people who promised somebody else that they would keep it a secret.

Mignon McLaughlin

A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles.

Dan Quayle

My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will, never, never surrender to what is right.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

Kevin Smith

Now you've gotta spend two thousand bucks to stay at my house. And for five, I'll let you photograph my wife in the shower.

Groucho Marx

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Phyllis Diller

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.

Patrick Jake O'Rourke

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

Rita Rudner

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk

William Lyon Phelps

If happiness truly consisted in physical ease and freedom from care, then the happiest individual would not be either a man or a woman; it would be, I think, an American cow.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

Conrad Hilton was very generous to me in the divorce settlement. He gave me 5000 Gideon Bibles.

Richard Burton

If you're going to make rubbish, be the best rubbish in it.

Blaise Pascal

Small minds are concerned with the extraordinary, great minds with the ordinary.

George Eliot

A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.

William Arthur Ward

A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.

Julia Roberts

I'm too tall to be a girl. I'm between a chick and a broad.

Lord Byron

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

Thomas More

Ask a woman's advice, and whatever she advises, Do the very reverse and you're sure to be wise.

Phyllis Diller

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Garrison Keillor

Intelligence is like a four-wheel drive. It allows you to get stuck in more remote places.

Steven Wright

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

Rita Rudner

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Robin Williams

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Woody Allen

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it by not dying.

Chevy Chase

A laugh is a surprise. And all humor is physical. I was always athletic, so that came naturally to me.

Mel Brooks

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Wayne Gretzky

The only way a kid is going to practice is if it's total fun for him... and it was for me.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.

Chanakya

Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person.

Steven Wright

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Kin Hubbard

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished.

Larry King

I'm having as much fun today as I did when I made $55 a week, because it is as much fun.

Reese Witherspoon

It's fun to do a comedy and hook people in and then hoodwink them into watching a serious movie. I like to lead in with the comedy and then hit them over the head with a drama.

Mel Brooks

Rhetoric does not get you anywhere, because Hitler and Mussolini are just as good at rhetoric. But if you can bring these people down with comedy, they stand no chance.

Dan Quayle

People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?

Walter Winchell

She's been on more laps than a napkin.

Horace

Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans. It is lovely to be silly at the right moment.

Sir Thomas Browne

Men live by intervals of reason under the sovereignty of humor and passion.

Kin Hubbard

Where ignorance is bliss it's foolish to borrow your neighbor's newspaper.

Mignon McLaughlin

We would all like a reputation for generosity and we'd all like to buy it cheap.

Malcolm De Chazal

The man who can make others laugh secures more votes for a measure than the man who forces them to think.

Stevie Nicks

Right now I'm not involved with anybody, but I hope by 75 I will be again.

Nelson Mandela

In my country we go to prison first and then become President.

Charlie Chaplin

Laughter is the tonic, the relief, the surcease for pain.

Andrew Jackson

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it .

Oscar Wilde

A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.

Michel de Montaigne

The greater part of the world's troubles are due to questions of grammar.

Julia Roberts

People came up: I thought you were 6 ft tall. I'm average height - 5 ft 8 ins, skinny blonde. One guy says to me, So, where's the fox from Mystic Pizza?

Paul McCartney

None of us wanted to be the bass player. In our minds he was the fat guy who always played at the back.

Stephen Colbert

We don't want any filter, ... The correspondent is only going to put his spin on it.

Will Rogers

Communism to me is one-third practice and two-thirds explanation.

Stevie Nicks

He and I were about as compatible as a rat and a boa constrictor.

Epictetus

If evil be spoken of you and it be true, correct yourself, if it be a lie, laugh at it.

Michel de Montaigne

An un-tempted woman cannot boast of her chastity.

George Santayana

Graphic design is the paradise of individuality, eccentricity, heresy, abnormality, hobbies and humors.

Rita Mae Brown

Humor comes from self-confidence.

Erma Bombeck

Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.

Robin Williams

Comedy is acting out optimism.