Phyllis Diller Quotes
Actor, Comedian, Voice actor, Stage actor, Television actor
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
A smile is a curve that sets things right.
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.