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Phyllis Diller Quotes

Actor, Comedian, Voice actor, Stage actor, Television actor
Born On
1917-07-17
Died On
2012-08-20
Birth Place
Lima
Death Place
Los Angeles
Birth Sign
cancer
Nationality
American
Education
Bluffton University

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

Phyllis Diller

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

Phyllis Diller

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Phyllis Diller

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

Phyllis Diller

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

Phyllis Diller

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.

Phyllis Diller

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

Phyllis Diller

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Phyllis Diller

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.

Phyllis Diller

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

Phyllis Diller

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Phyllis Diller

A smile is a curve that sets things right.

Phyllis Diller

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Phyllis Diller

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

Phyllis Diller

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'

Phyllis Diller

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.

Phyllis Diller

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Phyllis Diller

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

Phyllis Diller

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?

Phyllis Diller

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.

Phyllis Diller

My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.

Phyllis Diller