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Woody Allen Quotes

American bass guitarist
Born On
1935-12-01
Birth Place
The Bronx, New York City
Birth Sign
sagittarius
Father
Martin Konigsberg
Mother
Nettie Konigsberg
Spouse
Soon-Yi Previn (m. 1997), Harlene Rosen, Louise Lasser
Nationality
American

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

Woody Allen

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Woody Allen

Have you ever taken a serious political stand on anything? Yeah. Sure. For twenty-four hours once I refused to eat grapes. : Sleeper

Woody Allen

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.

Woody Allen

Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

Woody Allen

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Woody Allen

The key here, I think, is to not think of death as an end. But, but, think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses. : Love and Death

Woody Allen

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

Woody Allen

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it by not dying.

Woody Allen

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.

Woody Allen

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

Woody Allen

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Woody Allen

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

Woody Allen

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.

Woody Allen

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

Woody Allen

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Woody Allen

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.

Woody Allen

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

Achievement Desire Work Hard Work
Woody Allen

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

Woody Allen

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Woody Allen

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

Woody Allen

Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with.

Woody Allen

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

Woody Allen

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said "No."

Woody Allen

“Life is hard for insects. And don't think mice are having any fun either.”

Woody Allen

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

Woody Allen

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.

Woody Allen

God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.

Woody Allen

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

Woody Allen

The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.

Woody Allen