You will get a collection of funny quotes here. Browse and share these famous funny sayings & quotations with your near and dear ones.

Funny Quotes

It is a very difficult task to make someone laugh. In fact, it is said that making someone cry is much easier than making him laugh. However, our funny quotes collection is guaranteed to add some humor to your boring day. These funny sayings will help you be stress free and forget all your tension for a while. You can also use them to bring cute smiles on the lips of your friends and loved ones. Hope you have a nice time reading the famous funny quotations.

It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly.

- Oscar Wilde

Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!

- Dr. Seuss

She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it).

- Alice's Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass , Lewis Carroll

I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.

- Albert Einstein

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

- Letters from the Earth: Uncensored Writings , Mark Twain

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

- Steven Wright

I do benefits for all religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

- Bob Hope

A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

- Anonymous

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen; it said 'Parking Fine.

- Tommy Cooper

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.

- Paul Beatty

He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.

- Bertolt Brecht

A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.

- Buster Keaton

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

- Rodney Dangerfield

Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.

- Victor Hugo

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

- Robert McCloskey

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

- Emo Philips

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

- Benjamin Franklin

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

- Charles M. Schulz

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

- Benny Hill

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

- Joan Rivers

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

- Groucho Marx

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.

- Oscar Wilde

A child is a curly dimpled lunatic.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I should prefer to have a politician who regularly went to a massage parlour than one who promised a laptop computer for every teacher.

- A. N. Wilson

An affair now and then is good for a marriage. It adds spice, stops it from getting boring... I ought to know.

- Bette Davis

Sex is God's joke on human beings.

- Bette Davis

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse.

- Groucho Marx

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

- Steven Wright

A camel makes an elephant feel like a jet plane.

- Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

The first man to compare the cheeks of a young woman to a rose was obviously a poet; the first to repeat it was possibly an idiot.

- Salvador Dali

French is the language that turns dirt into romance.

- Stephen King

If it seems a childish thing to do, do it in remembrance that you are a child.

- Frederick Buechner

Everything being a constant carnival, there is no carnival left

- Victor Hugo

For the bureaucrat, the world is a mere object to be manipulated by him.

- Karl Marx

We were wild, we were crazy, we were mostly young.

- Kenny Chesney

Eternity is a mere moment, just long enough for a joke.

- Herman Hesse

My life has been one great big joke, a dance that's walked a song that's spoke, I laugh so hard I almost choke when I think about myself.

- Maya Angelou

I would hope they would be our fellow artists, rather than trying to emulate or idolize clowns like us.

- Maynard James Keenan

We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.

- Tom Robbins

Fun I love, but too much fun is of all things the most loathsome. Mirth is better than fun, and happiness is better than mirth.

- William Blake

Back to Top