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It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly.
Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!
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She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it).
I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
I do benefits for all religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen; it said 'Parking Fine.
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.
A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.
I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.
I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.
A child is a curly dimpled lunatic.
I should prefer to have a politician who regularly went to a massage parlour than one who promised a laptop computer for every teacher.
An affair now and then is good for a marriage. It adds spice, stops it from getting boring... I ought to know.
Sex is God's joke on human beings.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse.
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
A camel makes an elephant feel like a jet plane.
The first man to compare the cheeks of a young woman to a rose was obviously a poet; the first to repeat it was possibly an idiot.
French is the language that turns dirt into romance.
If it seems a childish thing to do, do it in remembrance that you are a child.
Everything being a constant carnival, there is no carnival left
For the bureaucrat, the world is a mere object to be manipulated by him.
We were wild, we were crazy, we were mostly young.
Eternity is a mere moment, just long enough for a joke.
My life has been one great big joke, a dance that's walked a song that's spoke, I laugh so hard I almost choke when I think about myself.
I would hope they would be our fellow artists, rather than trying to emulate or idolize clowns like us.
We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.
Fun I love, but too much fun is of all things the most loathsome. Mirth is better than fun, and happiness is better than mirth.
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