Humorous quotes are intended to make you laugh heartily. Enjoy sharing these humorous quotations and sayings with your friends.

Humorous Quotes

It is said that 'laughter is one of the best medicines'. However, the hectic lifestyle of today has made us forget how to laugh. Most of the time, we don't have time for even giving a smile to our loved ones, forget about laughing at some funny joke. It is for this reason only that we have provided a list of humorous quotes, in the lines below. These sayings have all the flavors to tickle the funny bones of almost everyone. You can also use these humorous quotations to cheer someone up or simply have a good laugh.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

- Steven Wright

An optimist is someone who gets treed by a lion but enjoys the scenery.

- Walter Winchell

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

- Phyllis Diller

I am always ready to learn, but I do not always like being taught.

- Winston Churchill

I don?t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it by not dying.

- Woody Allen

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

- Mel Brooks

Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.

- Jim Backus

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

- Frank Lloyd Wright

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

- Groucho Marx

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.

- Flip Wilson

Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

- Anton Chekhov

Intelligence is like a four-wheel drive. It allows you to get stuck in more remote places.

- Garrison Keillor

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

- Darrin Weinberg

I wanted to kill the hottest person on Earth. Then I learned that there were laws against suicide.

- Missy Fruchter

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

- Steven Wright

The fellow who thinks he knows it all is especially annoying to those of us who do.

- Harold Coffin

Behind every successful woman...is a substantial amount of coffee.

- Stephanie Piro

If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else!

- Lawrence Peter Berra

There are many humorous things in the world: among them the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.

- Following the Equator: A Journey Around the World , Mark Twain

It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of people.

- Dolph Sharp

If you're going to make every game a matter of life or death, you're going to have a lot of problems. For one thing, you'll be dead a lot.

- Dean Smith

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

- Anonymous

The best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.

- Harry Truman

Every man is a fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit.

- Elbert Hubbard

I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.

- Garry Shandling

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman!

- Maryon Pearson

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.

- Kin Hubbard

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.

- Oscar Wilde

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished.

- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Humor is reason gone mad.

- Groucho Marx

The first man to compare the cheeks of a young woman to a rose was obviously a poet; the first to repeat it was possibly an idiot.

- Salvador Dali

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

- Lord Byron

I would hope they would be our fellow artists, rather than trying to emulate or idolize clowns like us.

- Maynard James Keenan

We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.

- Tom Robbins

Poor David Hume is dying fast, but with more real cheerfulness and good humor and with more real resignation to the necessary course of things, than any whining Christian ever dyed with pretended resignation to the will of God.

- Adam Smith

In my country we go to prison first and then become President.

- Nelson Mandela

Listening to a news broadcast is like smoking a cigarette and crushing the butt in the ashtray.

- Milan Kundera

Thank you. I would like to say something truthful about Robert. He knows who he is and has a sense of humor about it. It's a hard business. And to have things happen that are bad and have to go through it with everybody asking you questions about it all day long is tough.

- Val Kilmer

Small minds are concerned with the extraordinary, great minds with the ordinary.

- Blaise Pascal

Any dictator would admire the uniformity and obedience of the U.S. media.

- Noam Chomsky

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