It is said that 'laughter is one of the best medicines'. However, the hectic lifestyle of today has made us forget how to laugh. Most of the time, we don't have time for even giving a smile to our loved ones, forget about laughing at some funny joke. It is for this reason only that we have provided a list of humorous quotes, in the lines below. These sayings have all the flavors to tickle the funny bones of almost everyone. You can also use these humorous quotations to cheer someone up or simply have a good laugh.
Humorous quotes are intended to make you laugh heartily. Enjoy sharing these humorous quotations and sayings with your friends.
Humorous Quotes
Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.
 Jim Backus |
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I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
Frank Lloyd Wright |
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Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.
Flip Wilson |
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Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.
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Intelligence is like a four-wheel drive. It allows you to get stuck in more remote places.
Garrison Keillor |
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It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
Darrin Weinberg |
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I wanted to kill the hottest person on Earth. Then I learned that there were laws against suicide.
Missy Fruchter |
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There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Steven Wright |
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The fellow who thinks he knows it all is especially annoying to those of us who do.
Harold Coffin |
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Behind every successful woman...is a substantial amount of coffee.
Stephanie Piro |
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There are many humorous things in the world: among them the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.
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It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of people.
Dolph Sharp |
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If you're going to make every game a matter of life or death, you're going to have a lot of problems. For one thing, you'll be dead a lot.
Dean Smith |
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The best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.
Harry Truman |
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Every man is a fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit.
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I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.
Garry Shandling |
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Behind every successful man is a surprised woman!
Maryon Pearson |
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The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.
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The first man to compare the cheeks of a young woman to a rose was obviously a poet; the first to repeat it was possibly an idiot.
Salvador Dali |
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I would hope they would be our fellow artists, rather than trying to emulate or idolize clowns like us.
Maynard James Keenan |
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We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.
Tom Robbins |
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Poor David Hume is dying fast, but with more real cheerfulness and good humor and with more real resignation to the necessary course of things, than any whining Christian ever dyed with pretended resignation to the will of God.
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Listening to a news broadcast is like smoking a cigarette and crushing the butt in the ashtray.
Milan Kundera |
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Thank you. I would like to say something truthful about Robert. He knows who he is and has a sense of humor about it. It's a hard business. And to have things happen that are bad and have to go through it with everybody asking you questions about it all day long is tough.
Val Kilmer |
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Any dictator would admire the uniformity and obedience of the U.S. media.
Noam Chomsky |
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All women do have a different sense of sexuality, or sense of fun, or sense of like what's sexy or cool or tough.
Angelina Jolie |
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Everyone got kind of crazy with me mentioning I was in love with a woman.
Angelina Jolie |
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You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.
Dolly Parton |
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A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.
Roald Dahl |
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You know it's going to hell when the best rapper out there is white and the best golfer is black.
Charles Barkley |
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Reality is wrong. Dreams are for real.
Tupac Shakur |
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Ask a woman's advice, and whatever she advises, Do the very reverse and you're sure to be wise.
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When I was in high school, I earned the pimple award and every other gross-out award.
Jack Nicholson |
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The only way a kid is going to practice is if it's total fun for him... and it was for me.
Wayne Gretzky |
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There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it .
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You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
Dean Martin |
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My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneres |
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People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
Ellen DeGeneres |
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My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will, never, never surrender to what is right.
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People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history.
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If a man insisted always on being serious, and never allowed himself a bit of fun and relaxation, he would go mad or become unstable without knowing it.
Herodotus |
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If I couldn't laugh I just would go insane, If we couldn't laugh we just would go insane, If we weren't all crazy we would go insane.
Jimmy Buffett |
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I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.
Robin Williams |
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Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Robin Williams |
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I'm gonna put a curse on you and all your kids will be born completely naked.
Jimi Hendrix |
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Comedy is acting out optimism.
Robin Williams |
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Whoever is happy will make others happy too.
Anne Frank |
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A drink a day keeps the shrink away.
Edward Abbey |
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Our 'neoconservatives' are neither new nor conservative, but old as Babylon and evil as Hell.
Edward Abbey |
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Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.
Edward Abbey |
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When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.
Edward Abbey |
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A fool too late bewares when all the peril is past.
Elizabeth I |
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If you want an interesting party sometime, combine cocktails and a fresh box of crayons for everyone.
Robert Fulghum |
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Leisure is the Mother of Philosophy.
Thomas Hobbes |
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What is an adult? A child blown up by age.
Simone de Beauvoir |
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Hollywood is the only industry, even taking in soup companies, which does not have laboratories for the purpose of experimentation.
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Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person.
Chanakya |
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Have fun in your command. Don't always run at a breakneck pace. Take leave when you've earned it, spend time with your families.
Colin Powell |
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The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
E. E. Cummings |
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Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body.
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The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.
David Ogilvy |
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
Spike Milligan |
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Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans. It is lovely to be silly at the right moment.
Horace |
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It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.
Bill Hicks |
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If you have an ounce of common sense and one good friend you don't need an analyst.
Joan Crawford |
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Don't think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It's self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can't try to do things. You simply must do things.
Ray Bradbury |
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Every morning I jump out of bed and step on a landmine. The landmine is me.After the explosion, I spent the rest of the day putting the pieces together.
Ray Bradbury |
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The trouble with super heroes is what to do between phone booths.
Ken Kesey |
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Man, when you lose your laugh you lose your footing.
Ken Kesey |
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There are three side effects of acid: enhanced long-term memory, decreased short-term memory, and I forget the third.
Timothy Leary |
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A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
Tommy Cooper |
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Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper |
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Tommy Cooper |
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So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'
Tommy Cooper |
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Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!
Tommy Cooper |
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You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'
Tommy Cooper |
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Glamour is what I sell, it's my stock in trade.
Marlene Dietrich |
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I phoned my grandparents and my grandfather said 'We saw your movie.' 'Which one?' I said. He shouted 'Betty, what was the name of that movie I didn't like?'
Brad Pitt |
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How about a little noise. How do you expect a man to putt?
Babe Ruth |
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I'll promise to go easier on drinking and to get to bed earlier, but not for you, fifty thousand dollars, or two-hundred and fifty thousand dollars will I give up women. They're too much fun.
Babe Ruth |
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I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.
Jack Benny |
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Gags die, humor doesn't.
Jack Benny |
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A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road.
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