Looking for famous quotes and sayings by Erma Bombeck? This is where you will find them, including all the sayings by Erma Bombeck
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A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.
Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.
Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.
Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.
Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.
House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.
How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.
What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.
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