Here are some of the noted jokes quotes to tickle your funny bones. Read these famous joke quotations and sayings and have fun.

Jokes Quotes

From bursting stress to making us roll with laughter, jokes serve as a total mood enhancer. Jokes have the power to make people laugh and can work as a therapy in lowering blood pleasure and stress levels. Jokes are the best ways to make someone laugh and induce mirth in one’s otherwise boring life. From romantic to naughty and from historical era to the contemporary teen worlds, there are different types of jokes for people from all walks of life. Explore the article to enjoy the popular jokes quotes.

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.

- Oscar Wilde

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished.

- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

- Steven Wright

A drink a day keeps the shrink away.

- Edward Abbey

Our 'neoconservatives' are neither new nor conservative, but old as Babylon and evil as Hell.

- Edward Abbey

Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.

- Down the River , Edward Abbey

What is an adult? A child blown up by age.

- Simone de Beauvoir

The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.

- David Ogilvy

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

- Bill Hicks

There are three side effects of acid: enhanced long-term memory, decreased short-term memory, and I forget the third.

- Timothy Leary

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'

- Tommy Cooper

Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.

- Tommy Cooper

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

- Tommy Cooper

So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'

- Tommy Cooper

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it."

- Tommy Cooper

Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!

- Tommy Cooper

I phoned my grandparents and my grandfather said 'We saw your movie.' 'Which one?' I said. He shouted 'Betty, what was the name of that movie I didn't like?'

- Brad Pitt

Cobb is a prick. But he sure can hit. God Almighty, that man can hit.

- Babe Ruth

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.

- Jack Benny

A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road.

- Henry Ward Beecher

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

- George Burns

Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you did not know." Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?

- Annie Dillard

Humor comes from self-confidence.

- Rita Mae Brown

My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.

- Emo Philips

My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke in the world.

- Muhammad Ali

It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.

- Saint Thomas Aquinas

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

- Ambrose Bierce

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.

- Jay Leno

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

- Jay Leno

The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.

- Jay Leno

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

- Jay Leno

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

- Jay Leno

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

- Mel Brooks

A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.

- William Arthur Ward

I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.

- David Letterman

I have always noticed that deeply and truly religious persons are fond of a joke, and I am suspicious of those who aren't.

- Alfred North Whitehead

When you tell an Iowan a joke, you can see a kind of race going on between his brain and his expression.

- Bill Bryson

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.

- Garry Shandling

It's funny how a chubby kid can just be having fun, and people call it entertainment!

- Garth Brooks

I love doing comedy - I get a laugh out of it, it's not so serious.

- Carmen Electra

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