One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.
Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.
The reward for conformity is that everyone likes you but yourself.
Language exerts hidden power, like the moon on the tides.
A deadline is negative inspiration. Still, it's better than no inspiration at all.
Life is too short to be miserable.
Intuition is a suspension of logic due to impatience.
About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won't like you at all.
Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.
If the world were a logical place, men would ride side saddle.
I am a comic writer, which means I get to slay the dragons, and shoot the bull.
A life of reaction is a life of slavery, intellectually and spiritually. One must fight for a life of action, not reaction.
I believe in a lively disrespect for most forms of authority.
Virginia Woolf said that writers must be androgynous. I'll go a step further. You must be bisexual.
You can't be truly rude until you understand good manners.
I became a lesbian because of women, because women are beautiful, strong, and compassionate.
Morals are private. Decency is public.
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
The only queer people are those who don't love anybody.
Creativity comes from trust. Trust your instincts. And never hope more than you work.
As a woman, I find it very embarrassing to be in a meeting and realize I'm the only one in the room with balls.
I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.
I have no idea what will come next in my writing life or life in general. I like not knowing, but I know what I want. That doesn't mean it will happen, but I'll give it my best try.
Art is moral passion married to entertainment. Moral passion without entertainment is propaganda, and entertainment without moral passion is television.
Humor comes from self-confidence.
We animals live life in all its glorious uncertainty. Why do politicians think they can control events?
I believe you are your work. Don't trade the stuff of your life, time, for nothing more than dollars. That's a rotten bargain.
Divorce is the one human tragedy that reduces everything to cash.
All creatures tread across the rubble of ruined civilizations. The trick is to keep moving. No animal ever goes about dispensing shallow compassion.
Don't ask to live in tranquil times. Literature doesn't grow there.
Writers will happen in the best of families.
I don't think you can ever assess your work. I don't think Turgenev could assess his any more than I can assess mine, and his didn't have a social impact as much as great literary impact.
Recognition of function always precedes recognition of being.
I earned two Emmy nominations for writing, and two of the shows I had written were nominated for best in their category.
While cats can be infuriating, little old women in fur coats, they make me laugh. Of course, dogs, horses and my highly social chickens are dear to me, too.
A peacefulness follows any decision, even the wrong one.
Leroy bet me I couldn't find a pot of gold at the end, and I told him that was a stupid bet because the rainbow was enough.
I believe the true function of age is memory. I'm recording as fast as I can.
If you don't like my book, write your own. If you don't think you can write a novel, that ought to tell you something. If you think you can, do. No excuses. If you still don't like my novels, find a book you do like.
Education is a wonderful thing. If you couldn't sign your name you'd have to pay cash.
To love without role, without power plays, is revolution.
Hollywood called just as I crested thirty. My novels did not and still do not interest them, but my writing ability did.
Not until my middle thirties did I consider myself a novelist.
Normal is the average of deviance.
No animal on the face of the earth could conceive of taxation. You and I work roughly six months a year to pay our local, state and federal taxes. If nothing else, this should convince you that animals are smarter than people.
There are very few people who are creative and imaginative. Therefore, fiction is difficult for people to embrace.
If you like my novels, I commend your good taste.
Every action is either strong or weak, and when every action is strong we are successful.
There hasn't been a day in my life since I started Latin in ninth grade that I haven't benefited by the lives of the ancients.
Moral passion without entertainment is propaganda, and entertainment without moral passion is television.
Political elections are not life and death.
I've met many irresponsible people in my life but never an irresponsible cat.
I think the reason I choose the comic approach so often is because it's harder, therefore affording me the opportunity to show off.
You sell a screenplay like you sell a car. If someone drives it off a cliff, that's it.
Cats and dogs believe politicians are like cemetery caregivers; they are on top of everyone, but nobody listens.