Humorous Quotes

Gags die, humor doesn't.
Jack Benny

You know why I'm pulling your leg? Because I can't touch it from where I am.
Gene Simmons

In conversation, humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge.
George Herbert

Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you.
Langston Hughes

Any girl can look glamorous... just stand there and look stupid.
Doris Day

Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.

Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.

A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.

Humor comes from self-confidence.

It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.

I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints - The sinners are much more fun.

They say it is better to be poor and happy than rich and miserable, but how about a compromise like moderately rich and just moody?.

Rhetoric does not get you anywhere, because Hitler and Mussolini are just as good at rhetoric. But if you can bring these people down with comedy, they stand no chance.

I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four per cent of the time.
Will Ferrell

One of the definitions of sanity is the ability to tell real from unreal. Soon we'll need a new definition.
Alvin Toffler

I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.
Eddie Izzard

I can't be funny if my feet don't feel righ.
Billy Crystal

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?
Bob Hope

My husband does not like me to give interviews because I say too much. No talk, no trouble.
Imelda Marcos

I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian
Larry David

I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one thing that I feel like I could do, it would be that. That doesn't mean that I like it, but I feel that's what I am.
Larry David

How long should a man's legs be? Long enough to touch the ground.
J. D. Salinger

I'm having as much fun today as I did when I made $55 a week, because it is as much fun.

It's funny how a chubby kid can just be having fun, and people call it entertainment!
Garth Brooks

I love doing comedy - I get a laugh out of it, it's not so serious.
Carmen Electra

We called him Tortoise because he taught us.

For my own part I think no innocent species of wit or pleasantry should be suppressed: and that a good pun may be admitted among the smaller excellencies of lively conversation.
James Boswell

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.

A laugh is a surprise. And all humor is physical. I was always athletic, so that came naturally to me.

The man who can make others laugh secures more votes for a measure than the man who forces them to think.

If you don't know what to do with many of the papers piled on your desk, stick a dozen colleagues initials on them and pass them along. When in doubt, route.
Malcolm Forbes

I wish all men were like dogs.

Any man who has had the job I've had and didn't have a sense of humor wouldn't still be here.

An optimist is someone who gets treed by a lion but enjoys the scenery.

She's been on more laps than a napkin.

A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.

Communism to me is one-third practice and two-thirds explanation.

None of us wanted to be the bass player. In our minds he was the fat guy who always played at the back.

For the happiest life, days should be rigorously planned, nights left open to chance.

If happiness truly consisted in physical ease and freedom from care, then the happiest individual would not be either a man or a woman; it would be, I think, an American cow.

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.

Good humor is one of the best articles of dress one can wear in society.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?

Comedy. It was just huge in my house. Peter Sellers and Alec Guinness, Monty Python and all those James Bond movies were highly regarded.
Mike Myers

It's fun to do a comedy and hook people in and then hoodwink them into watching a serious movie. I like to lead in with the comedy and then hit them over the head with a drama.

Nobody says you must laugh, but a sense of humor can help you overlook the unattractive, tolerate the unpleasant, cope with the unexpected, and smile through the day.
Ann Landers

Conrad Hilton was very generous to me in the divorce settlement. He gave me 5000 Gideon Bibles.

How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own?

I don't remember anybody's name. How do you think the "dahling" thing got started?